do not put that donkey in your bathtub

Somewhere, somehow, someone is celebrating this day properly. But I do not know who. because the fact is, no one I know has the time to sit in a bubble bath. You know in the olden days, when you sat there until the water got lukewarm and the bubbles went flat, and your skin looked like ET’s sister? But who does that anymore?

You want to know something most people now consider rather odd? I did not learn how to take a shower until I got to college. My mother never used a shower–too expensive to ruin that beehive she paid good money for every week. So I thought that was how the rest of the world operated as well. Baths were comfortable and comforting. When I realized that, for four years, that dreaded shower was my only option, I seriously reconsidered that whole going away to college thing. I mean, I’d have to get water in my eyes and all. But humans are adaptable.

And now, I’ve joined the rest of the mothering and working world who collectively gasps, “Bubble bath??? Between what–running the kids to gymnastics, two hours of working, balancing the budget, and collapsing into bed? A nice dream for a Disney Princess.” (Although I believe it is Barbie, actually, who bathes on camera in all her plastic glory. But then, she’s a princess in that particular DVD. Case rested.)

So, since you are very unlikely to enjoy this day properly, I thought that, perhaps, you might enjoy some interesting bubble bathtub facts in honor of National bubble Bath Day.

–The largest tub in the world, according to Guinness, is 25 x 12 x 72 feet. It includes steam rooms, perfumed sauna boxes, LCD screens, a Jacuzzi, a pool, four-foot tub, and telephone service. We do not know if our president, vice president, and any police officers or Harvard professors have had a meeting in it.

–Jack Bibby holds the world record for sitting in a bathtub the longest with the most rattlesnakes (87). He also holds the record for having the most people hear this, shake their heads, and say, “Well, he is from Texas.”

–The Great American Bathtub Race takes place in Nome, Alaska. Each team must have five members, one in the tub with ten gallons of water and bubbles in sight. Suspenders and hats are mandatory apparel. Each team crossing the finish line must have a bar of soap, towel, and bath mat. Winner receives possession of the “Miss Piggy & Kermit taking a bath” trophy until the next year’s competition.

–For the world championship bathtub races, however, you must go to Nanaimo, British Columbia, where they race in water, not on the street as in Alaska.

–The record for solving rubik’s cubes underwater, with no artificial breathing apparatus, is six. Please do not try this, as I do not want to be responsible for any adverse results.

–In Arizona, it is illegal for your donkey to sleep in your tub. Don’t say you weren’t warned.

–There is an online bathtub museum, should you like to visit.

Now, to honor the day, I shall have to scrounge up some bath crystals that someone gave me nine Christmases ago and hope they still have a modicum of bubble-ability in them. Sit back, relax, and ignore the telemarketers. I do that anyway. I live in a very old house, so I will not lock the door since it is temperamental. That is not a sight I want our local volunteer firefighters to see if they have to get me out. And I may even celebrate early a day we will have a great deal of fun with next week–National Rubber Duckie Day.

PS–In case anyone wants to know, my favorite is Bath and Body Works Lemon Grass Shower wash. Can’t get it around here. So if you can . . .

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